It's the Christmas season and that means the radio is full of holiday music. But there are some songs that are deemed "Christmas music" that have always grated on my nerves.
I'm not talking about the various renditions of classics by popular artists that make me want to scream in pain, seriously how nasally can we make "Silent Night" before my head pops? (gag) I'm talking about lyrics. Take "Home for the Holidays". It's a cute song, but there is one line that always bothers me. "From Atlantic to Pacific, gee, the traffic is terrific." Really? Maybe if you're on crack. I really think someone slipped something extra into this writer's egg nog because the traffic is never "terrific" on the holidays. It's nightmarish, enough to make one curl up in a ball and hide in the trunk. I avoid traveling during holidays like I do the plague.
Then there are the holiday songs filled with winey celebrities. They go something like "You're all evil because it's Christmas and people in Africa don't even know and you get to cuddle up in you warm house with your gifts and are such jerks. You should listen to us and give all your money to these poor people. Just ignore the fact that we're celebrities and only singing a stupid song when we have millions we could give. We'll bug you instead." Yeah, I love those cheesy-trying-to-make-you-feel-guilty songs about as much as I love my yearly check-up with my OBGYN.
There's also a group of songs that have nothing to do with Christmas, except that they mention "snow" or "Christmas" once in the lyrics. Like this one song I heard the other day on the radio about two ex-lovers meeting in the frozen food section of the grocery store, trying to catch up, but feeling a void in their lives from a love that never lasted. At the end the snow outside turns to rain. Oh, I feel the cheer from that one! Excuse me while I go drown my sorrows with a jug of eggnog and a carton of truffles.
Seriously people, Christmas is a fun and wonderful holiday that celebrates the birth of the Savior and the magic of imagination and giving embodied in Santa Claus. These are happy things. I want my Christmas music to be beautiful, inspiring, and fun. None of this winy, preachy, depressing garbage. That's not what Christmas is about.
Ex-lovers meeting in a frozen food isle? That's hillarious. I turned on my radio today, looking for christmas music. There is none on. Can you believe that? I guess I'll stick to the Forgotten Carols and Handels Messiah. My favorites. Have a great Christmas!
ReplyDeleteI think they mean terrific in the intense sense (or maybe terrifying)
ReplyDelete1. extraordinarily great or intense: terrific speed.
2. extremely good; wonderful: a terrific vacation.
3. causing terror; terrifying.
And for Robyne here's the lyrics: (it's terrificly terrifying)
Same Old Lang Syne
Met my old lover in the grocery store
The snow was falling Christmas Eve
I stole behind her in the frozen foods
And I touched her on the sleeve
She didn't recognize the face at first
But then her eyes flew open wide
She went to hug me and she spilled her purse
And we laughed until we cried
We took her groceries to the checkout stand
The food was totalled up and bagged
We stood there lost in our embarrassment
As the conversation dragged
We went to have ourselves a drink or two
But couldn't find an open bar
We bought a six-pack at the liquor store
And we drank it in her car
We drank a toast to innocence, we drank a toast to now
And tried to reach beyond the emptiness but neither one knew how
She said she'd married her an architect
Who kept her warm and safe and dry
She would have liked to say she loved the man
But she didn't like to lie
I said the years had been a friend to her
And that her eyes were still as blue
But in those eyes I wasn't sure if I saw doubt or gratitude
She said she saw me in the record stores
And that I must be doing well
I said the audience was heavenly but the traveling was hell
We drank a toast to innocence, we drank a toast to now
And tried to reach beyond the emptiness but neither one knew how
We drank a toast to innocence, we drank a toast to time
Reliving in our eloquence, another 'auld lang syne'
The beer was empty and our tongues were tired
And running out of things to say
She gave a kiss to me as I got out and I watched her drive away
Just for a moment I was back at school
And felt that old familiar pain
And as I turned to make my way back home
The snow turned in to rain...