Reality: the good, bad, and the ugly

I was honest when I said I was going to write more often. I really did want to. But life has taken some unexpected turns and adventures in the past two months that has made blogging not the top of my list. Really, all I hope to do each day is to just make it through.

Let me tell you about my magical medical mystery tour of the past two months. I started having pain two months ago on my right side, above my hip. It didn't seem muscle related and didn't go away so I went to my doctor and we did an ultrasound to see if it was an ovarian cyst, which I have had before. The ultrasound came back clear and so we decided to see if the pain went away.

It didn't. It spread to under my rib cage on my right side. It felt like a knife was under my ribs or a balloon was inside me and going to burst. Not good. Maybe it was my gallbladder or appendix? I didn't have a fever or any other symptoms aside from pain and fatigue. (Seriously, I have spent a lot of the past two months on the couch with Marshall playing mom and dad. It has been rough. Some days are good and some are bad. We just take them as they come. Somehow I am still able to make it to work at the school. My job has been so good because it has gotten me out of bed and moving each day.) The doctor decided to do a CT Scan to see if that showed anything funky with my abdomen. Since they decided to do it with contrast, I had the pleasure of drinking the nasty citrus milky chalky stuff known as beryllium, praying all the while that I would keep it down. CT scan was done and everything looked great!

Sigh. Next was another ultrasound, but this time on my liver, kidneys, and pancreas. Again, nothing wrong. I was just busy collecting lots of cool pictures of my insides, medical bills, and frustration. The pain continued and grew to be around my belly button as well. I was so tired of being tired and not having the energy and ability to be the mom and wife I normally am. Lots of tears were shed and prayers offered. And also a few blessings from my amazing husband. Through it all I have gained great insight and patience.

Last week I had a colonoscopy done to make sure it was nothing with my colon. Oh my goodness, the prep IS the worst. But after all the other tests I have been through, what was another one?! Again, things looked great. They did find some precancerous polyps, which is a huge blessing since I don't have a history of colon cancer in my family and would not have had a colonoscopy done for another 10-15 years. This would have given those polyps plenty of time to turn to cancer. So it was a blessing in disguise to find those now and know I need to keep on top of those.

By now, the pain had also moved to my arms, often leaving them feeling weak and numb and also to the left side of my abdomen. Seriously?!!!!! This morning Marshall and I were able to meet with my doctor and go over all the test results and find out what they do mean and what they do not mean. We were able to ask questions and share our concerns. My good doctor listened to them all and explained things so well to us. The good news is that I do not have an autoimmune disease like MS or Lupus, no cancer, no endometriosis, etc. But the data shows us that I most likely seem to be having a sensory problem. My brain is telling my body is has problems when it doesn't. We're talking fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. (Fibromyalgia is a disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain accompanied by fatigue, sleep, memory and mood issues. Researchers believe that fibromyalgia amplifies painful sensations by affecting the way your brain processes pain signals.) The plan for now is to treat it with medication. Once we get my body adjusted we will hopefully see results. I will meet back with my doctor in six weeks to discuss. Hopefully soon I will be able to have more energy and less pain. It has been hard to be limited when I think I am so invincible.

But, there have been  many tender mercies and learning experiences along the way. I would rather be healed and not have to deal with this, but all we can do is move forward and hope for the best. There are many other things that are far worse that I could be dealing with. I continue to count my blessings and take it one day at a time.