Even my food has opinions!

One of my children's favorite books to check out from the library is "Arnie the Doughnut" by Laurie Keller. Arnie is created one morning in the bakery and so excited about being bought and taken home like so many other doughnuts before him. As he is fried, iced, and covered in sprinkles, he converses with various doughnuts about the joys of being selected for purchase. Soon Mr. Bing comes into the bakery and picks Arnie. Arnie can hardly contain himself . . . until Mr. Bing takes him home and tries to EAT him! What?! Arnie screams and is horrified at Mr. Bing's behavior. Arnie calls the bakery to speak to the baker about Mr. Bing, only to learn from the baker that this is the fate of all doughnuts, to be eaten. Well, Arnie decides that is certainly not an option and so he and Mr. Bing make lists of what Arnie can do instead of being eaten. After some humorous suggestions, they decide Arnie can be Mr. Bing's pet since the apartment Bing lives in does not allow animals. Everyone is happy and our story is resolved, unless it ever rains.

My kids love this book because of the outrageous idea of a doughnut coming to life and protesting being eaten. Things like that just don't happen in real life. Well . . . at least I thought they didn't. But then today I learned that one of my favorite cookies, Oreos, has a sexual orientation. Crud. I just thought it was a treat for eating, but now it has a whole story to go along with it. Is there a new set of rules about how I should treat my cookies when I buy them? Are they going to try and throw themselves out of my van on the way home from the store once they learn I am opposed to same gender marriage? Or will they devise a way to crumble and spread themselves all over my kitchen floor, attracting thousands of ants, in retaliation for my beliefs? Am I still allowed to eat them or do I have to let them sit in my cupboard, respecting their lifestyle and not infringing on their rights? Ahhhhh! What do I do? I thought they were just cookies.

I really hope we don't have another "Arnie" situation on our hands. Are the tomatoes in my garden going to protest when I pick them because I am taking away their freedom to grow? How did food get so complicated?