That'll Teach 'Em

I've always thought holding a grudge is silly. Why bother? Just suck it up and get on with life. Plus it takes too much energy and creates lots of awkwardness. Maybe I'm just too lazy to hold a real grudge. Though I've seen plenty in my time, some that have made me just laugh because of the extent people go to, none have compared to the ones I read about in "A Treasury of Royal Scandals" by Michael Farquhar. It was a delightfully amusing book full of all sorts of scandals and ridiculous behavior that I hope no one I know ever emulates.

For example, Pope Stephen VI had his predecessor, Pope Formosus, exhumed nine months after his death. Formosus' rotting body was dressed in full papal vestments and propped up to undergo trial for charges of perjury and other crimes that Stephen brought up against him. Stephen was not a big fan of the previous pope. Can you tell? Poor Formosus was found guilty and thrown into the Tiber River. Thankully Formosus' body was fished out of the river and laid to rest. But that wasn't the end. The next pope after Stephen, Sergius III, had Formosus' body dug up yet again and the head chopped off. Yeah, that'll teach him. Enough already guys! Time to move on.

Or what about poor Oliver Cromwell? He took over the English government after the execution of King Charles I and ruled until his death. However, King Charles' son was not pleased with Mr. Cromwell and took his revenge when he assumed the throne. More digging up of bodies! He had Cromwell dug up and drug through the street of London and then beheaded. Mind you, he was already long dead. The head was posted atop Westminster Hall for 25 years and then passed from various owners until 1960, when it was finally buried. Can you say ridiculous and disgusting?

And then there is the best, poor Napoleon. It is rumored that a very upset Corsican chaplain swiped a little token from Napoleon's body shortly after he died. It was Vignali's ultimate revenge to steal the obnoxious emperor's manhood. Um, gross. Til this day, Napoleon is missing this vital part as it is kept by a Napoleon collector in New York in a little casket, or at least that's how the story goes.

See history isn't all that boring? But really, we can learn some great lessons from history, especially when it comes to grudges. Doesn't it sound silly to dig up a dead body and harm it? Hello, no one is there? Time to get over your pinecone. What purpose does it meet? Lots of time and labor and a whole lot of nastiness, plus you go down in history known as being a little bit loopy. It's a good thing no one today holds silly grudges (insert sarcastic laugh). I'll admit that I've done some stupid things because I was holding on to some past hurt. Thank goodness I am much wiser than that now! (insert another sarcastic laugh). Just try not to make a complete fool of yourself if someone makes you mad. If anything, I beg you, don't go digging up any dead bodies to harm.