All in name of Beauty?

I love being pampered just as much as the next girl. Massage my shoulders, slather on a cleansing facial, give me a pedicure and rub my feet while at it. I love to be spoiled! But I don't make it to the spa very much because I prefer being able to provide for my family rather than perfectly painted soft toes. (Though both would be nice.) I know there are many people who go to extremes to get their weekly, or even daily, beauty treatments. Some women cry abuse or foul if they have to go a minute without their beloved spa visits. (Believe me, I've met a few of them.) It never ceases to amaze me the extent/ insanity people go to for the sake of beauty. I found the following "unique" treatments in a recent article that made my anything, but jealous of these spa customers.

This photo says it all: Guests at Ada Barak's Carnivorous Plant Farm and Spa in Talmei Elazar, Israel (find it on a map) are paying money to have snakes — all nonvenomous, thankfully — crawl on their backs for a special reptilian massage. Slitherers big and small can tackle muscles in need of deep kneading, and people report it’s actually relaxing. People who aren’t terrified of snakes, that is. I love a massage as much as the next person, but snakes? Ewww. I don't care if they are not poisonous, they are still snakes, slithering on my back. And this is supposed to be relaxing? I'm not as bad as Indiana Jones, but I prefer snakes to be kept away from my bod, far, far away..

Kelowna, British Columbia, is famous for its cold winters and award-winning ice wine made from frozen grapes. It seems appropriate that this is also where you can try out a cold sauna, which is exactly as it sounds. At the Sparkling Hill Resort in Vernon, guests can sign up for "cryotherapy," which involves spending up to three minutes in a room cooled to -110 degrees Celsius. The experience is said to reduce inflammation and improve joint and muscle function, among other things.Wow. I bet it does wonders for inflammation, but does anything fall off your body during your three minutes in the ice box? I'd like everything to stay intact and not freeze off. Plus why would I voluntarily throw myself into a cold room? I'd be shivering for days to come. I just get cold thinking about it!

If you’re tired of eating caviar, try slathering it on your face for what’s billed as the ultimate anti-aging treatment. Offered at the Lodge at Woodloch in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania, among other locations, this special treatment exposes your skin to protein-rich and moisturizing fish eggs. At $250 it’s not cheap — and no, you can’t eat the leftovers, so don’t look for blinis on the spa menu.Not only can I eat fish eggs, but now I can pay a lot of money to have someone smear them all over my face. Oh joy! Yeah, the whole idea just doesn't fly with me. I think caviar is gross. I am sure it smells nasty. But to rub it on my face? No thank you!

Some other favorites included the bird poop facial, using a mask similar to what Kobuchi actors and Geishas use for that pale complexion. I don't care if the stuff is sanitizied beforehand, it is still bird poop. Bird poop, people. Bird poop. Not gonna happen!

Or what about the Russian broom whacking massage? They take these tree branches they use to make brooms and whack your back with them to help loosen muscles. Yes, please sign me up to pay someone to beat me with a stick!

Seriosuly, what is wrong with people? I'll stick with my infrequent pedicure (I've only had two in my life) and muscle massages from my husband. These spas can keep the snakes, bird poop, and fish eggs for themselves!