You can keep your clean bathroom

Every day when I read the paper, I have to read the comics and "Dear Abby". They are my "brain candy", unintellectual fodder. As I was perusing today's latest drama in Abbyland, and don't tell me you don't look forward to the juicy stuff, I came across a letter from a single woman who was happy being free and loving life alone. The following is an excerpt from this fascinating letter:

I have had a seven-year marriage and a relationship that lasted for four -- but for the last five years I have been unattached. It took me a while to get used to being alone, but I have realized something that everyone needs to know: Being single can be very satisfying
I clean my house; it stays clean. I have no extra dishes or laundry to do. There's no toothpaste left in the sink. The toilet seat stays down. I can relax in front of the fireplace because no one is trying to get my attention.

My checkbook is always balanced, with no surprises. I can go to bed at night and sleep without having to spend half the night explaining why I'm not "in the mood." I wake up refreshed in the morning without having to share someone else's challenges.

I'm free to come and go as I please without the burden of anyone else's expectations. And, if I'm feeling social, I can get together with a male or female friend and go out and have a good time.

Eeek! After I read this letter I felt sick to my stomach. How clueless and self focused this woman is. Of course, there have been times in all of our lives when we like to have "alone time". Living with someone else isn't always sunshine and lollipops. Sometimes you disagree and even get on each other's nerves. Perish the thought, but that's just part of relationships! And any mom of young children can tell you there are days when we wish at least one thing in our house would stay clean. But to say that it is better to be alone because things stay clean, check books remain balanced, and your life goes interrupted is just plain pathetic. Really, what's the point of living if you aren't willing to actually "live"?

But this seems to be the attitude of our society. Everything is about "me" and how "I" am affected by everyone and everything else. Don't throw off my groove or you're out of the picture. No wonder relationships and common decency are rapidly deteriorating in our world. If I had remained single I would be well off, well traveled, and living the life of luxury. I could do what I want when I wanted to and pamper my perfect little unmarred body any way I desired. And I would be miserable at night, hugging my pillow and wishing I could find a companion. Or if my husband and I had waited to have children until it was convenient for us, we'd have a nicer house, cooler cars, and completely empty and meaningless lives. Sure, that kind of lifestyle is flashy and exciting for a time, but it is always fleeting. The end result is a very lonely and very sad person filled with regret, remorse, and bitterness. Sign me up for that life!

Give me metal bowls banging on the kitchen floor while I try to make breakfast, a never ending laundry heap, piano playing at all hours of the day, super heroes dashing through my home at top speed, hand-me-down furniture, ties left on the back of the couch, and children and a husband who want to kiss and cuddle me! Let me be burdened by someone else's needs and let me be allowed to be a burden to someone else who will love me despite my "bad days". I would rather that lifestyle than one of perfect cleanliness, wealth, sanity, privacy, and convenience any day of the week. You take away my family and you take away all that gives me joy and purpose in life. They enable me to become what I am destined and created to be, reaching my fullest potential and greatest joy.

That writer to "Dear Abby" can have her life of silent solitude and selfishness. I'm not fooled for a minute because I know real happiness comes from focusing outward, not inward.