What makes the difference?

I love Facebook! It's so fun to reconnect with people I haven't talked to in what seems like ages. Just this weekend I found a bunch of people from my home ward in PA. It's been fun to catch up with a few of them and see where they are in life. But in some ways it's kind of been a bummer to find out some of them no longer are living the Gospel. Some kids that came from what seemed like strong families have ended up choosing another path in life. Others have stayed strong. I know as a youth I worried my Young Women leaders because of my family situation, challenges, and choices and yet now I have a temple marriage and am very active in the Gospel. Shouldn't it have been the other way around? What happened?

There is no question about the value of family home evening, family prayer, and family scripture study in the home. We have heard over and over again that families need to do this on a regular basis if they want to stay grounded in the Gospel and be successful as a family. I look at my husband's family and see how strong they are in the Gospel and I know it is a result of the above. Having a Christ centered home is key, a place where your children can feel and recognize the Spirit. I want my home to feel different than the world. I want my children to see it as a place of comfort, peace, and rest. (We're still working on the peace part. You know, we can't go one day without having numerous fights over toys, markers, or something else.) My husband and I attend the temple on a regular basis and our kids know that is what you do. They can't wait until they are older and can go. My kids also know that the place to get married is the temple. No where else can make them a family for forever. They also know about being modest, what harmful things to avoid taking into their bodies, how to treat others, what not to say, and so on. We're teaching them these things through family home evening and daily interactions.

I know the kids from these families grew up with those above things in their homes. So what happened? I think as parents it is important to never deviate from the Gospel. It can be a hard thing to do with our children growing up in an ever challenging word. But if we are teaching them from the beginning about what the Lord expects from them and are not trying to be their friends, but rather parent first, it is possible to be strong. Not giving in over an immodest prom dress, exclusive dating, mixed gender sleepovers, R rated movies, etc. Once we start to give in on a few things, the whole game is over. Our kids will see that certain aspects of the Gospel aren't as important to us and, therefore, them if we make exceptions. She'll get over not being able to wear the strappy prom gown, but she may not get over the path she heads down by wearing that immodest dress. We first need to live the Gospel and show our children that we don't take any "vacations". We need to let them see that following the Lord makes us happy and brings joy and rich blessings into our lives. And need to point out those blessings.

By having FHE, scripture study, prayer, and the Gospel in our home, we also allow our children the opportunity to gain their own testimonies. This is key in having them become strong and faithful members on their own. I didn't grow up with all of the above in my home, but I kept going back to church because I knew it was right and what I wanted in my life. We need to let our children get a testimony. This doesn't mean we throw them out into the world and say "Okay, find your way." No, this means we give them the teachings and tools in our homes for them to develop their own testimonies. And we let them make choices so they learn there are consequences for their actions, like staying up really late on Saturday night makes you really tired when you get up on Sunday morning for church. Or buying an immodest skirt causes you to lose money when mom uses said skirt as a cleaning rag because such clothes aren't allowed in our home. To have a testimony they need to be taught the doctrine behind why we live the way we do and that choosing the path of the world leads to misery. It was much easier for me to live the Gospel once I knew what was expected of me and WHY. When our children have their feet firmly planted in the Gospel, they can endure the challenges that will come from life. We won't always be there to hold their hand. The best thing we can do for them from the very beginning is help their testimonies blossom and grow.

It's been interesting to see how we've all turned out from my old ward. It's been sad in some cases, but it's also been a great reminder to me of the importance of my duty as a parent to teach my children the gospel. When all is done, it will be up to them how they turn out as adults. I know parents who raised their children in good homes only to have them go astray from the Gospel. But I know that by having a Gospel centered home where my kids can gain their own testimonies, know what the Lord expects of them, and feel the joy of choosing the right, my children have a great chance of turning out right.