A "Duh" Moment

I'm always amazed at people who get divorced after only a few years of marriage because I've been married nine years and still have head smacking, light dawning, moments of "duh" when it comes to my marriage. I am sure that I will continue to have them throughout my life and perhaps one day, when I am old and gray, I will finally have learned something.

I had such a moment yesterday as I was sitting in Relief Society. We were touching upon relationships with our spouses and how wives are supposed to be a help meet to their husbands. No biggie, I already got that. We are a team, we work together and I do my part at home so I can allow Marshall to do all he needs to do as a father and husband. Makes sense. I think I've got that one covered.

Then the lesson moved on about children and one sister commented about how we should be our children's biggest advocates because who else is going to? Great thought. And then came my moment of light. As help meets to our husbands, should we not also be their biggest advocate? Now I already knew this to a degree because I try to never paint my husband in a negative light in public. Other women may ramble on about their husband's shortcomings, but I will not. However, at home, as a result of my perfectionist nature, I do not have any problem telling my husband his faults. Am I really doing my job to build him up when I do that?

Now you know me and so better not assume that I mean you should turn a blind eye to everything your husband does. Obviously you need to communicate concerns that are creating rifts in you relationship. No brainer there, right? But we as women tend to sometimes nitpick. At least I do and I openly admit it. And that type of negativity can bring a husband down. After spending all day at work dealing with sometimes crabby clients and bosses, the last thing my husband needs is to hear how he can't sweep the floor very well when he helps to clean up dinner. So why make a big deal out of stupid little things? Or even the bigger things. My husband and I show affection for each other in different ways. I am more one to use words and he is more one to use actions and kind deeds. Instead of getting upset at him for not writing me sonnets or showering me with long romantic speeches, wouldn't it be better to notice what he does do to show his love for me? Focusing on the positive, rather than the negative will have lasting happy results to our marriage.

Let's face it, we're not perfect. If you think you are without flaw, then you must be smoking crack. I do all sorts of stupid things and yet my husband rarely criticizes or corrects me in private, and never in public. I wish I could say the same of myself. Why is he that way? Because he doesn't see a big deal or the need of focusing on every little thing I do wrong. And he probably understands that I'll end up feeling smaller than an ant if he constantly points out my shortcomings.

So I am going to try to be a better help meet in that I work to build my husband up in private too. I want him feeling like he is a good father and amazing spouse because he is. After all, as his wife, shouldn't I be his biggest advocate and fan club?