Let's Talk About Sex

Parables are great teaching tools, but there are times when they can be used too much and hinder the explanation of true principles. I remember as a teenager when we had talks on chastity at church walking away remembering that I was not supposed to drive "my wagon" too close to the cliff or it would fall off. Great analogy, but why? I am always one to ask "why" because I want to know the reasons I am or am not supposed to do things. Give me a decent explanation and I can dig it.

As a college student we had a memorable lesson on chastity in church. The teacher, the wife of one of our bishopric counselors, did a wonderful job with the first part of the her lesson. She laid down the law as to why having sex before marriage is not a good thing. It made sense. But then she spent the last part of her discussion sharing a parable about crystal goblets and how we all need to treat our own goblets with sacred reverence. I'm sorry, but she lost me when she started in with goblets. Anything she may have said prior to that parable was forgotten and now all my husband and I can remember from her lesson is those silly goblets.

While taking a marriage class at BYU, I came across the most wonderful talk, "Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments", by Elder Holland. In it he explained very clearly why it is important to wait until marriage to engage in sexual activity. What he said was beautiful, easy to understand, and made perfect sense. I wish more leaders would teach chastity in the same spirit he did. Too often we tell youth "sex is bad" amidst throwing frilly hand-outs and silly parables at them in the hopes that they will understand and not ask any questions. Then once they get married sex is magically okay, but we never tell them why. Once I had it clearly explained to me by Elder Holland, it made perfect sense.

Teaching youth about chastity is not something that should be taken lightly. The relationship between husband and wife is very sacred and should be treated as such. However, because it is so sacred, it is something we need to make sure youth understand. We shouldn't talk about it in a demeaning or light way, but we do need to be frank when we talk about it with our teenagers. Hiding behind cheesy parables or stories isn't going to do them or us any good. I remember feeling like my intelligence was insulted by all those silly stories. "Just get to the point already!" We need to explain things to them about intimacy in plain, clear, and reverent terms. And we must give an explanation, a clear doctrinally founded one, on why the Lord wants us to wait until marriage. I think if we did that more as parents and leaders of youth, we'd have a lot less problems.

We sell ourselves and our youth short when we refuse to tell them the truth about sex. If we're working to prepare them to be mothers, fathers, missionaries, and leaders in Zion, which are all big huge roles in life, why can't we be frank and honest with them when it comes to intimacy? They live in a world where sex is constantly thrown at them in all forms of media and life. They need to know why sex is so sacred or else they may treat it lightly and find themselves heading down a path of sin and misery.