Into the Depths of Insanity

I am amazed that people still talk to me, especially my husband. With three weeks left to go, I am well into the sleep-deprived-overly-emotional-insane state of pregnancy. I have lost common sense and tend to fly on the side of irrational behavior. Not only do you sacrifice your body to have a baby, but also your sanity and reputation. It can be quite interesting.

Here are just a few examples from this past week of my episodes of insanity. On Monday I went to Costco to buy pull-ups for Jimmy, but got the wrong size. A problem easily fixed by returning the said pull-ups for the right size. No biggie. But I called my hubby on the way home from the store in tears, balling about how I felt like a failure and could do nothing right. We're talking about the wrong size of pull-ups here, not some serious character flaw, right?

Yesterday Anna got a card in the mail from her teacher thanking her for being such a good student and praising her progress in reading. I felt so proud of Anna and touched by her teacher that I got all choked up. Oh my goodness!

Then last night my husband had to run to the church to take care of some emergency business. I was very crabby about it all since he was supposed to be at home. This caused lots of tears on my part. Normally I have no problem with letting my husband serve, but the world was ending yesterday. Ah!

What amazes me is that it seems like I have no control over my emotions now. They are just there and ready to explode. I know I am doing it at the time, but just can't seem to stop. And then I feel so foolish afterwards. I often hear my husband say "I'm confused. What did I do wrong?" I don't know, but all I do know is that something you said made me cry. Perhaps it was because you said it while not making eye contact or you breathed in instead of breathing out after speaking. Or you were wearing blue on Tuesday when only red is acceptable. You didn't approach me in the proper fashion, on bowed knees with head lowered. Or maybe it's because you dared to enter my presence at all. Who knows? It's the great mystery of life. What sets off a pregnant woman? Is there any safe thing one can say to her? Not really. It's all a big guessing game. I am sure my husband often comes home from work and wonders if he'll meet "Sunshine Sue", "Medusa Sue", or "Sobbing Hysterically Sue". It's always a surprise.

So I fully admit that I am insane. I'm glad my wonderful husband still talks to me and endures this craziness. I am sure he is very excited for the baby to come. Of course, my emotions will still be out of whack after that. I remember watching "March of the Penguins" after Jimmy was born and crying hysterically when the baby penguins died. (Not a bright idea after giving birth. Duh.) But that's a whole different blog. Just know if I flip out or cry, it's nothing personal. It's just my new found insanity.