The True Trial

We all have different trials we experience in life. Addictions, depression, financial loss, familial loss, infertility, inactive family members, divorce, long-term illness, etc. The list could go on and on of all the possible trials we can experience in this mortal existence. But I believe the greatest challenge we undergo is how we allow these earthly trials to shape the person we become. The ability to take the good that we gain from surviving such trials and pushing aside the bitter feelings that can result from such experiences. I have seen too many people consumed by their hardships until they become bitter and unkind people. They are left to stand alone and they are miserable for it.

I remember sitting around with a group of mothers once and hearing one talk about how she had the hardest time keeping up with her child's laundry. She had only one child, but was having difficulty with all the clothes her daughter went through. I was a bit shocked when another mother replied "Oh that's nothing. Wait until you have four kids. Then you'll see." This response made it seem like the young mother's feelings were invalid. How dare she complain because she only had one child. She didn't really know what it was like to be overwhelmed by laundry. The rest of us in the group were a little taken aback. Since then I've tried to not belittle someone else's feelings regardless of their situation. I have three kids now, but I remember feeling very overwhelmed with one child at times. I'm not about to tell an exhausted mother of one that she can't complain because she has no idea how "it really is".

The same applies to trials. I think the human part of us wants to hold on to bitterness and declare to those around us "You don't have it as bad as I do! You don't know what it is like so anything you say is invalid or insensitive because you aren't walking in my shoes." True, I don't know what it is like to deal with certain trials like poor health or drug addictions. I don't know what it feels like to go through infertility treatment or to have a parent die at a young age. But I try to have compassion for such people and hope they will have it for me in my struggles.

For the longest time I had a chip on my shoulder when it came to the experiences I had had growing up. I had a crazy childhood with inactive divorced parents and my mom going through various relationships. It sure as heck shaped me into one bitter angst filled young woman who hated men and was extremely jealous of those families I saw sitting together in church on Sundays. I used to think "They have no idea how lucky they are! They don't know my pain! It's not fair!" But finally, through the Atonement, I was able to see that these feelings of bitterness weren't helping me. They were turning me into a hardened person with little compassion and that wasn't who I wanted to be. Had these people done anything wrong to merit my jealousy? No, they just were blessed in ways I wasn't. But I failed to have compassion and love for them. I took it personally, which was silly because their blessings had nothing to do with me.

It was only through the Atonement that I was able to gain understanding and leave the bitter behind. The Savior does know all and can succor us because of who He is. We can turn to Him during our trials and seek strength, love, and comfort from Him, even when we feel all alone. And He will bless us to overcome. We will rise victorious over our trials if we put Him first. He will put people in our lives who can help us be strong. He will enable us to learn the good from our trials and leave the bitter behind so that we can become better people and better be able to succor those around us. I know if I had never learned to let go of my hurt feelings from my past I would have been dwarfed spiritually, never being able to attempt to reach my full potential. Of course, i am not always perfect at pushing aside those feelings. They can still be triggered at times. But the more I turn to the Savior and look to Him to make me whole, the less I struggle and the more I triumph.