Good Advice

Sometimes life with three kids and a baby can be crazy, especially when your husband is a bishop. Lately I've found myself asking the question "Why?" to the Lord. Why does my husband have to be bishop now when our kids are so young and the burden can be overwhelming at times? Why not two or five years from now? I'm the kind of person who likes to know the reasons for the things, especially if it involves me. Unfortunately, we don't always get to know the "why" behind what happens in our lives.

Last night when my husband came home from church I shared with him my feelings of exhaustion and frustration with things. He has been bishop for almost a year and some days I feel like I haven't grown or learned anything from it. I told him about my wanting to know why and he gave me some great counsel. (Yeah, I know why he is a bishop. No questions there.)

He first told me a story that a sister from our ward shared with him. She is somehow related to President Monson through her grandmother. When her grandmother was dying of cancer, President Monson visited her in the hospital. The grandmother asked him "Why me?" Why did she have to go through all this suffering and pain? He immediately came back with "Why not you?" Good point. We learn from the scriptures that God is no respecter of persons, so why do we wonder "why me?" Tragedy and trials don't happen in our lives because God is picking on us, but rather because we all are mortal and susceptible to whatever life can throw at us. We are allowed to go through trials for a reason. None of us is immune from them. I had never thought "Why not me?"

Then Marshall told me that perhaps I was asking the Lord the wrong question. Instead of "Why?", I should try asking Him "How?" How does the Lord want to me to handle this situation? How can I serve through this opportunity? How can I help ward members as the bishop's wife?, etc. When we ask "why", we're still hung up on accepting the actual event that has taken place in our life. In a sense, we're in denial that it's happening to us. But when we ask "how", we are embracing our challenges and trying to figure out how we can live with them. No more focusing on how awful life is for us because we have to experience whatever hardship it is, but rather we look outwards and upwards and say "Okay, what now? Tell me how you want me to deal with this trial." We can move on and be able to learn and grow spiritually from the situation. Only then can we be refined into the person the Lord wants us to be.

So now instead of asking "why?", I have been asking "how?". It's only been a day, but I do feel a difference. I love this chance we have for my husband to serve as bishop. It has it's challenges, but the rewards far outweigh the sacrifice. Instead of crying over the injustice of it all, I am now focusing on how I can best serve as a bishop's wife. After all, "why not me?" Enough self pity, let's get on with life!