What Really Matters

I'm so glad I am not a man. I know, I just finished my six week check-up with the doctor where he examined everything the good Lord gave me and then some, but I still am glad I am a woman. Valentine's Day is fast approaching and the societal pressure put on men to be the perfect Casanovas to their sweethearts is ever present. Commercials on tv for flowers, jewelery, etc. Don't mess up the big day or you're doomed, fellows! Women expect nothing less than fireworks, red carpets, rose petals on the bed, and anything else they've been exposed to in a romance movie or novel.

I feel bad for guys. I really do. I see this pressure put on them like one of those horrible nightmares where I have a class in college and it's finals time, but I've never attended the class. Except for guys it's like a taking a final in chemistry, but studying from an art history textbook that is 30 years out of date and printed backward and upside down. Failure is imminent. However, for those poor chaps out there it isn't a dream, but reality. And if they do screw it up, their woman will shun them for weeks for failing to show their "love" through silly material trinkets. Ahhh! The pressure!!

Now I admit, I love getting flowers! I often hint to my husband that he should bring me flowers when it's been a bad week. (Yes, I am so feminine and subtle) But I do not want my husband to stress about Valentine's Day. "Here honey, I know you are working a stressful busy job to support us, gone hours being bishop of our ward, trying your best to help at home, and attempting to meet every one's emotional demands put on you as a father and husband, but if you mess up Valentine's Day you're in for it!" Just doesn't sound very fair now, does it? It's a silly date on the calendar. I'd rather my husband be a thoughtful caring guy year round and not some jerk who goes all out once a year for a holiday.

To me, showing love for each other doesn't come in the form of flowers, poems, or chocolates. Those things are all nice to get, but love is really about what happens every day. Sorry Forrest Gump, but life isn't like a box of chocolates. There are some days that don't contain any sweet in them. Sick kids, unexpected bills, job loss, broken toilets, laundry, crabby bosses, late hours of work, burnt dinners, family crisis, and the list could go on and on. Sometimes life just stinks. It's true! But what matters is how you and your spouse weather the storms. Do you support each other? Do you care about how each other is feeling? If your spouse is having a bad day, do you bother to find out why or declare your day worse because of ...? There are so many little things we can do daily to show and nourish our love for each other. Patience, prayers, listening, a kiss, a hug, a "thank you", an email, a special dinner, a phone call from work, cuddling when the kids are distracted, enduring together when life is overbearing, etc. My husband and I try to thank each other every day for doing our separate jobs. I love to write him random emails expressing my appreciation for all he does for us. And I love getting unexpected messages in my "in-box" from him that talk about what an amazing mother and wife I am. It's great! Or when I know he is stressed with work and feeling overwhelmed, I ask him what I can to do make sure he is getting some unwinding time every day. Or there are days when he sends me to my room after walking in the door and seeing right away that I am about to blow my top at the kids. I could go on and on with examples.

I'd love it if my husband brought me flowers on Saturday, but it won't really matter. A beautiful bouquet of roses, though nice, won't keep my marriage going. It's the little daily actions and words that will. It's looking outside of ourselves and consider the needs of our spouses instead. That's what makes a relationship work. So stop the insanity and give your husband a break. Work together on the kind of love that lasts and leave the candy hearts and flowers to themselves.