Keeping the "Agreement"

One of the best bits of marriage advice I've been given, and oh have I heard it all, has been the concept of "the agreement". (This came from someone who is an actual marriage counselor too so bonus!) It applies to every day living. What have you and your spouse agreed to be your roles in the marriage? For instance, in our marriage I stay at home with the kids while my husband goes to work. That's something that works for us, we are able to do, and we've agreed to. That means that when my husband is gone at work all day, late, or in meetings forever, I can't get mad at him because we agreed he would be the one to be out of the home.

It was an interesting concept to me when I first learned about it. I used to get upset sometimes when my husband was gone all day. It wasn't fair! He didn't have to deal with the craziness that can be when raising kids. But this concept helped me realize that we've agreed to do what we do and all that comes with it. Is it really fair that I get to take the kids swimming in the summer, to the pumpkin patch in the fall, play in the snow in the winter, and picnic at the park in spring all while my husband slaves away at the office? No. But we've agreed to do what we do and that means accepting all, both good and bad, that comes with it.

I was pondering about this last night and how I need to apply the same to my husband's calling as bishop. I am a passionate person and sometimes I get upset about him having to be gone, being at church later than expected, or when a surprise meeting, phone call, or visit happens. Grrr! It's not fair that he's gone even longer. What's up with that?

Then it hit me, I've made prior agreements with the Lord that I would do all that is asked of me, including letting my husband serve in a demanding calling. Yes, I support my husband because I love him, but more importantly because I love the Lord. I shouldn't get upset at my husband for having to be gone for long hours on top of his work schedule. This set-up has little to do with him and everything to do with a commitment I made with the Lord. If I want to get upset or frustrated with someone, it should be the Lord not my husband.

I am not insane.(yet) I don't go around yelling at the Lord and tempting Him to strike me down. But I do let Him know how I feel about things. I have no problem praying when I am an angry, overburdened, or frustrated with what the Lord has asked me to do. I've asked Him if He really knows what He is doing. (I know He does really.) I don't have a problem letting all my feelings out. And I think that is what the Lord wants. If we can't "let it all hang out", lay all of our weaknesses and faults at His feet, how will we ever become better people? There have been so many times when I have approached the Lord in an upset prayer that I have stood back up at the end, feeling renewed and at peace. Because when I pray and open my heart to the Lord, He can help me and truly give me the strength to overcome. Or if it doesn't happen right away, the peace comes later. There have been many times when I have prayed and not gotten the peace I have sought, only to be stunned into humility and comfort by something random later. Every time I have prayed freely and openly to the Lord, I have gotten what I needed to continue on the path I have covenanted to walk. It is amazing.

It's important to remember what and with whom we have made agreements. We can know what is expected of us and remember all it entails. It can be hard at times, but as long as we work together with our spouses or the Lord, depending on the agreement we're referring to, success will be the result. False blame will not be given. And if there are problems, we can know who to turn to with them. I can talk to my husband if something isn't working out in our agreement or I can go to the Lord and ask for help in the agreement I've made with Him. Either way, my relationship with both my spouse and the Lord is strengthened by recognizing and working within our agreement.