A New Understanding of Cleaving

After nine and half years of marriage, at the ripe old age of thirty, I am reminded that there is still a lot I have to learn when it comes to my eternal relationship and what the Lord asks of me. The funny thing is that sometimes this comes as a surprise to me. Right, like after all this time I have it all figured out. That short period of nine and a half years is more like one dot on a Georges Seurat painting when it comes to the eternal scheme of things.

I have been going through something like an identity crisis all of my adult life. With a family that has chosen a different path than myself, I have often felt that I did not belong. The reaction to my Gospel based lifestyle has created a rift between me and some of my family. I haven't been in the "in" group with my mother and sisters and have experienced a great sadness from longing to connect. It has often felt that nothing I ever did would be good enough or matter. Recent events have made this isolation even more apparent, causing me to wonder how and if I fit into that part of my family at all.

Then I had one those "duh" moments that have come to me often during my life because, sadly, I do not know everything. The thought came to me that by worrying about feeling a part of my family, I was failing to fully "cleave" to my husband as the scriptures counsel in Genesis 2:24:

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."

There's a lot more to that scripture than just the physical sense of oneness. I've often pondered the many meanings behind it so as to be a better wife and just recently peeled back another layer from it's almost endless message.

All this time that I have been trying to feel a part of my family, seeking to feel that connection of belonging, I was looking in the wrong place. I shouldn't have been looking towards them for affirmation and approval. Once I married my husband, we formed a new and separate family from that of my birth. He became my family and, therefore, of greater importance to me than my parents or siblings. I thought I had that part covered until I realized how my seeking a sense of belonging to my family of origin was keeping me from cleaving to my husband.

No matter how much I love my mother and sisters and how much I wish we could all be dear friends, our lives have led us in different directions that have not allowed it to be so. Of course, this hurts. But instead of letting it get me down, I realized that I need to remember that I do belong to a family and have a very important place in that unit. Regardless of what my former family may think of me or where our paths lead us, I will always be a part of a family with my husband and children. Where I need to look for affirmation, love, and acceptance is not from my mother or siblings, but rather from my husband. He is my family and we are one. To do otherwise would risk breaking our oneness.

I cannot tell you how liberating and happy this realization makes me. No longer do I feel the crushing weight of the division between me and my family of origin. No longer am I overcome with the sadness of being isolated, of not belonging, to a family. If I truly want to follow the counsel to "cleave" as the scripture states, then my focus and efforts should be towards the family of my husband and myself. Without him I cannot return to live with my Father in Heaven again and will truly be alone.

What a comforting thought to know that I do belong to family. And that the greatest happiness, love, and reward I can receive is by cleaving to that family and none else, no matter the cost.