We Must Have Bad Days

If this past week was wiped clean from my memory, I wouldn't be sad for a minute. It was just one of those cruddy weeks. Yesterday as I sat holding my sweet sleeping baby, I pondered why we have to have bad days or weeks. I hate change. I hate anything that deviates from my schedule and plans. Any kink in the system can throw me off. I don't like having bad days. Who does? But there are people in the world, like my husband, who don't let things bother them. And then there are people like me who do. So why can't people like me just not have bad days? As I asked myself this, my mind recalled 2 Nephi:2, where we are taught the law of opposites. There must needs be an opposite for all things. That means for our good days there must be bad days too.

I remember when we first moved to St. George. I was so excited to have sunny days every day. No blah gray winter skies. Blue skies and sun make me happy! But then after a while I found myself wishing it would rain. We hardly ever had a good rain or thunderstorm. I really began to miss those. When it did finally rain it was heavenly. I appreciated rain in a new way. Now I do my best to enjoy each rainy day we get because they are few and far between. I would never had done that had I still been living in Indiana or Pennsylvania.

The same idea applies for having good and bad days. No, I don't savor each bad day I have, but they make me appreciate the good days so much more. If all my days were perfect with children who always listened and never fought, a clean house, my ideal body, a husband who always says the right thing, immunity from disease and depression, I would not enjoy it for one minute. Sure, it would be great, but I would have no idea what I had going for me because I wouldn't know any different. I would have never experienced the opposite of perfection. But I do live in reality and my days are filled with lots of imperfection. I do get sick, I do have baby weight to lose, my kids do fight, I do get depressed, and my husband doesn't always know the right thing to say (which is understandable). But I am glad I live in such an imperfect world where there are opposites. If I didn't, I would never enjoy the good moments or days. The laughter of my children playing. Holding my innocent baby and watching him smile in his sleep and being overwhelmed that he came from my body. Getting a love poem from my husband over the email or a phone call from him saying "I wanted to hear you voice." Those days when I don't get depressed. Being able to run around and chase my kids. I wouldn't savor those sweet moments.

And I know I wouldn't pick up on the tender mercies of the Lord and promptings of the Spirit as much. If everything always went smashingly well for me, why would I need to? There would be no point to relying on the Lord because I would be able to have it all perfectly worked out on my own. But since my life isn't peachy all the time, I have to turn to the Lord and the Spirit. And the more I do that and experience mortality, the more I appreciate that divine connection in my life.

So bad days happen, but they must. I don't like them or look for them to be, but I know without the bad I would never be able to enjoy the good.

Butt Ball

Yeah, it's been a crazy couple of days. But one way to chase away the stress and choas is to play a giggling version of "butt ball". Jimmy came up with it. We take turns throwing the ball to each other, but the person being thrown to has to run up to the thrower, giggle, and then run away as he tries to avoid getting hit in the butt. If one does get hit in the butt, that is a cause for much hysterical laughter. Little kid giggles are the best medicine.

Calgon . . Take Me Away!!!!!

I remember being a kid and seeing those "Calgon . . take me away" commercials. Does anyone else know what I am talking about? Some woman would be in a stressful situation and then say "Calgon. Take me away." because a nice hot soak with Calgon would get rid of all her stress and tension. Well today was definitely a Calgon day.

It all started when we went to the library for story time. An innocent outing that turned into one angry tear filled situation. You see, the library claims that I have lost a book that I know I turned in. This happened to us two years ago. We tore our house a part looking for said book, but never found it and ended up paying the fee. A year later the library called to let us know the book had been found on their shelves and they would pay us back for the book, but not the $5 dollars we paid for the processing fee of the lost book. When Marshall went to get the reimbursement, the library people were very snooty about giving the money back, but he got it after venting his frustration about their incompetence. This is why we now check off all books we return to the library on our library slip. If we can't find one, we search until we do. So here we are again. I know I turned the book in and even have searched and searched to find it, but have had no success. I completely forgot about all this until I went to check out books with the kids. I was told I couldn't get my books out because I had a fine for the lost book. I explained to them the situation and how I know I turned the book in and then was treated as if I wasn't being honest. I thought it was innocent until proven guilty. In fact, after telling me I couldn't check out books, the worker just left his desk. Thanks for hearing me out. So I just left my pile of books on the counter and left. My kids were upset, especially Jimmy, because he wanted to get the Trash Truck book out from the library. They didn't understand why we couldn't get out our books. Me either. On the way home I just burst into tears because I was so upset at being treated wrongly. Grrrrr.

Then this afternoon poor Anna came home from school in a rush. She had to use the potty badly, but just missed making it. Dang! I remember that happening to me a few times as a kid and it was so embarrassing. So she had to shower and I had a floor of pee the clean up. Not to mention Jacob being on his I-lost-counting outfit due to either spit-up or pee. Or Rachel who cannot keep herself away from her baby brother to save her life. If we would let her, she would climb all over him and smother him with kisses. I am glad she loves him, but she needs to chill.

Tonight Marshall had to go home teaching and so I did bed time on my own. I do it quite often on my own, but the kids have been turkeys about it lately. Jimmy cried when I put him down because he was scared and wanted the light on. I put it on low and he cried because it was scary. Then we put it on high and he cried because it was scary. Meanwhile Jacob was crying to be fed. So I just let Jimmy watch a show in our room while I nursed the baby. All the while the girls were bouncing off their walls during "reading time". Bedtime has become a joke for the girls. It's more like "I'll keep coming out of my room until flames shoot out of Mom's eyes and death threats spew forth from her lips" time. At this point I feel like one of those many frazzled women you read about in humor columns or books. But it was reality.

It's just been one of those days. I know it'll get better. And I do love my children. They are precious. (But don't tell me right now that I'll miss this age or I will bop you one.) I would love to bury my face into a hot fudge sundae or cheesecake, but I'm trying to be good. A hot bath would be heavenly. "Calgon, take me away". (preferably to a place where there are no diapers needing to be changed or bossy children.)

A Good Lawyer Joke

My Kind of Humor

I love signs. I do! I love the cutesy little signs that say something funny or profound that people have in their homes. I am a sign junkie. I have one that says "One Day at A Time" hanging over my back door because I need a visual reminder to look at things on a daily level. However, I am selective in my sign loving. I am not a fan of those cheesy signs that are dripping in sugary sweet sentiments, like "All Because Two People Fell In Love" or "Always Kiss me Goodnight". (sorry if you have one.) I don't need to remember to kiss my husband at night and he sure as heck better not need a sign to tell him to do the same. Or "Happiness is being married to your best friend." (gag!) Any loving feelings my husband and I have for each other, I'd rather not have advertised around the house.

Every month I get a catalog in the mail that has some of the best signs. The sayings are great and just make me laugh. The signs are for real people, like me, who don't always feel so euphoric about life and family. Due to copyright laws, I can't copy the actual signs, but I can share the sayings. The signs themselves are very cute, but the sayings are not your usual lovey dovey stuff. Here are a few of my favorite:

1. "I love you more than I did yesterday . . . because yesterday you really pissed me off!" We all feel that way sometimes. What a great take on a cheesy sign.

2."Housework never killed anyone, but why take a chance." So true.

3. "Raising kids is like being pecked to death by a chicken." Raising kids is very rewarding, but some days you do feel like you are being pecked to death. It's just such a perfect description. I often feel this way when my kids are all demanding something at once. Ah!

4. "Put your Big Boy boxers on and deal with it!" I hate whiners and am always telling my husbands that people need to suck it up. Just another way of saying the obvious.

5. "Bed & Breakfast: You Make Both" Can't wait until my kids can DO both!

6. "Laundry Today or Naked Tomorrow" Amen! Praise be to the people who do laundry in the house, whether it be mom or dad. Without them we'd be naked and that would just be plain scary. I also can't wait until my kids can do their own!

Well, you may think me crazy, but these signs make me laugh. It's nice to know there are people out there who think like I do and aren't always so loving and perfect sounding.

Wii Are Obsessed

For some time we have been debating getting a Nintendo Wii. Marshall's brother has one and it is fun, but did we really want to spend that much money on a video game system? Well, then this thing called Wii Fit came out and that caught my attention. You see, I am an exercise fanatic. I love to be active and not being able to exercise is sheer torture for me. I know, I'm insane. But I fully admit it.

Anyhow, my recovery time from the baby is almost up (two weeks!) and I have been debating what to do for exercise. I wasn't too impressed with the gym I had been going to before my pregnancy took over and I was too sick/ tired to go. And nothing else really seemed to jump out at me. I do better going to the gym if I have someone else to go with because I know they are counting on me to be there. But no one around here wants to get up at 5:30 to go exercising with me. For rude! Plus if I miss a morning, it's hard to make it up at night with my husband's busy schedule.

Enter the Wii Fit. (I'm sure my hsuband is glad it was invented because it convinced me to get a Wii.) I started to consider it because overall it would be much cheaper than the gym. Plus I can do it at home, which opens up a lot more options. But my worry was if it was going to be a good work-out. I still planned on walking/ running on the trails near our house, but I didn't want to spend lots of money on something I'd never use. I just wasn't sure what I wanted to do.

Saturday night we hired a sitter so we could go out to dinner and Wii hunt. We ended up taking the plunge and buying the Wii Fit too. And I have to say that I love it! I love to exercise, as I said above, but the Wii Fit makes it even more fun. In the beginning you get weighed and it tells you where you fall on the Body Mass Index chart. Then you set a goal to lose a certain amount of weight by a certain amount of time. I was so happy to do the Hula Hoop Toss and find out I was doing the same ab aerobic exercise that we did in my old aerobics class. Wii Fit has strength and balance training, yoga, and aerobics. And it is all fun! There is ski jumping, soccer, tight rope walking, etc. all designed to help with balance and toning. In the aerobics section you can even do a running in place activity where it monitors your pace. And the whole time you get to watch fun things on the tv on your run. I love it! And it is great for my husband who suffers from never getting that exercise "high" and so hates to exercise. He has been on the Wii Fit a lot. It's great! Not to mention the kids. They love to play the games. Rachel and Anna rock at bowling. Jimmy is just too cute to watch. He doesn't care that he isn't very good at ski jumping (because he can't stay still), he's just excited to see an Jimmy Mii on-screen in an orange shirt.

It's always nice when you make a big purchase that is a wise one. I am so glad we got our Wii and Wii Fit. Mixing video games with exercise is genius. No wonder they are selling like hot cakes. It'll be fun to get more games, but I am going to keep busy doing my Wii Fit and unlocking all sorts of new exercise games. Watch our for a fit Mii!

One Month Old?!

My little man is one month old today! When did that happen? He is such a little angel, perfect for our family. Last night he celebrated by sleeping for five hours straight. It was heavenly. We love Jacob so much and feel so blessed to have him in our family. What a cutie!

A New Day

Imagine the sun slowly peeking out over a frost and snow encrusted landscape. The snow begins to melt. Wilted and chilled flowers and plants stretch tall to the sky as they are warmed by the sun's inviting light. Birds begin to sing their morning song and the brook babbles as it is freed from it's icy prison.

This is how I feel after four weeks from giving birth. I don't know how many others struggle with post-partum depression, but I can honestly say that I do and am finally beginning to feel like a human again. It's as though I am thawing out from a long winter's cold and am becoming me again. I can laugh (thanks to 30 Rock and the Hill Witch) and I can dance around to Abba again. I have the energy and desire to chase my kids around the house or walk them down to the park. It's heavenly.

For the past few weeks I have felt tired, depressed, and very emotional. Just ask my husband. (well, it won't do you any good because he wouldn't complain about me anyhow.) But there were times when I felt like the world was closing in on me. That I was a failure as a mom or wouldn't be able to handle four kids. Many feelings of inadequacies and much disliking of my body. I love my children, but I do hate the first month or so after giving birth. It's a dark time for me. I guess we all have different prices we pay for bringing life into the world. But I am so glad that the sun is dawning and I am coming back to life again. I can feel peace and comfort again because I am calm enough to let it into my life. I know I'll still have those "black days", but they will be far less.

I love my sweet little Jacob. He is such a happy good baby. And I am so glad I am feeling better. It's nice to feel more positive about things than negative. It's nice to feel like I can handle things again. I could jump for joy! I feel like me!

Here you go

As requested, here are some pics of the pillows my mom made. I love the patchwork fabric. She made three pillows for the couch and they match well with the curtains. She even sewed buttons on the covers so I can take them off for washings. (I'm sure she was thinking of my kids when she did that.) I wish I could sew as well as my mom. Now I have new decorating ideas from her. I can't wait to get going. Thanks Mom!

I Shudder to Think

What would life be like if there had been no Atonement made? I cannot begin to fathom. Of course, we would be imperfect forever and never be allowed back into the presence of the Father. We could never overcome our weaknesses or be made whole from the various trials of our mortal and corruptible bodies. We'd carry with us every sin and wrong doing. The weight of such burdens would be crushing. No hope of ever finding peace or ever being able to improve ourselves. Ugh. I'd just stay in bed for the rest of my life.

The reason why I have been thinking about this is because of my mom. I love her. She is an amazing woman who has lived a hard life and overcome incredible odds to be who she is today. My one wish for her would be to find happiness and peace. I know that those two things only come through living the gospel of Jesus Christ. I've tried other ways and they just don't work. That's why the gospel appealed to me so much before I became active. My poor mom carries around with her all her guilt for her past mistakes. She agonizes over her faults and sees life in an often bleak outlook. She knows about the gospel, but just doesn't seem ready to accept it again into her life for whatever reasons. Visiting with her has been so much fun, but it also has reminded me of what life would be like if I didn't have the gospel.

I know I've lived a crazy life full of all sorts of adventures brought upon by the choices of others and myself. The only reason why I am who I am today is because of the gospel, more specifically because of the Atonement. The only way I was able to find peace after coming from a broken family was through the Atonement. I have been able to forgive those who have caused me pain in my life through the Atonement. I have been able to rise above the mistakes I have made and continue to make (still imperfect, dang it!) because of the Atonement. The only way I have hope and peace when it comes to dealing with depression is through the Atonement. Do you sense a theme here? All my hopes, faith, and peace rely on the fact that there is a perfect being who atoned for my many imperfections so that I can be whole. Despite everything, I can succeed in this mortal state if I put my trust in Him. It will not all happen in this life, but the knowledge that it will happen is all I need.

Those of us who have knowledge of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ are blessed and have the great privilege of sharing it with others. I shudder to think of what my life would be without the gospel. It breaks my heart to see my mom struggle and carry all her burdens on her own. Knowing that I am not alone and that I don't have to go through life on my own is my greatest blessing. I am so grateful for the Atonement in my life. I pray one day my mom will accept it into her own. What a merciful and loving Father in Heaven we have.

Back to Reality

My mom left for home today. Major bummer. It was so much fun having her here. The kids all loved playing with Gramby. Rachel informed me that Gramby needs to move into the house next door to us. I know my mom had fun playing with the kids, though at times she was overwhelmed by their energy (I can relate), and enjoyed holding Jacob. I will miss having an extra pair of hands and my afternoon naps. And, of course, I am now homesick. I love Pennsylvania. I think it is one of the more beautiful states. Plus it has great food and Lancaster County, which is where I would settle if I moved back there. The Amish and farm country. So I'm sure I'll be sad these next few days as I look around at the red rocks and miss having my mom here. But I am so glad she could come and help out. And, according to my mom's tradition, she did do one little project while she was here. Last year she recovered our brown couches to red. This year she made cute patch work pillows to go with our leather couch. I love them and can think of her when I see them. Now it's back to reality! =(

Happy 3rd Birthday Jimmy!

Yesterday my big boy Jimmy turned three. He was so excited about his birthday! We had a Superman themed birthday cake and party with his cousins. They even gave him a Superman monster truck. He got Wall-E jammies from mom and Dad, plus a remote control car. My mom gave him an ambulance that lights up and makes noise and my dad gave him a t-ball set. Jimmy loved being the center of attention, as always, and all things Superman. I took the leftover table cloth and hung it in his room which he thinks if totally cool. I can't believe my little man is three! (sniff, sniff) Yeah Jimmy!


Presents!


The cake.


What happens when Gramby is here for a party.


Happy Birthday!

Kiss!

Marshall took this picture of Jacob and me tonight. I think it is so sweet.

A Thought

Life these past few weeks has been a blur. We've been running on less sleep and juggling three kids and a baby. I often ask my husband if I ever won't feel like a zombie. I look at the skin that hangs around my middle and wonder if I'll ever be able to get my body back and fit into my clothes. Will I ever like how I look again? Will I ever have energy? Once my mom leaves will I be able to handle it on my own? All the usual questions have been racing through my mind as we've been adjusting to Jacob. We are so glad he is here and healthy, but getting used to a newborn is quite the task.

Along with all these thoughts and fears I've also had something my mom said bouncing around my head. We were talking about babies and how fast they grow and she said what so many have told me before, "Enjoy it now because they grow so fast." I've heard this so often from people that I usually just smile and nod and then ignore their advice because I don't think they remember how intense being a mom of young children is. But then my mom added something else that caught my attention,"When you think about out, such a small part of their whole life is spent with you. So enjoy the little time you have." As I pondered the thought I realised it was true. My kids will only be spending a quarter or so of their lives with me. Then they'll be on their own. Wow.

My mom and I have talked about how she thought the little kids phase would never be over. The constant tying of sneakers, doing ponytails in hair, chasing around little girls, etc. But it flew by and now here she is helping out with her twelfth grandchild. To be honest, there are days when I feel like I will never be done changing a diaper, breaking up a fight over toys, tripping over a ball, washing a mound of clothes, or cleaning up snack crumbs from the floor. Right now I wonder if I will ever feel rested enough to have a coherent thought or if my body will be able to go back to it's pre-Jacob form. But I also know the time will fly by. Jacob is already three weeks old. How did that happen? He is more alert and getting chubby. I remember when Anna was a baby and now she is 6! What? She's practically off to college! How did that time escape me?

So thanks to my mom I am trying to enjoy these little moments I have even more. Granted, I still feel like it'll never end at times. I am still excited for Jacob to sleep more at night. But I am also aware that this won't last forever. I only have my sweet little kids for so long. Soon they'll be teenagers, scary thought! I need to give them all the love I can. I need to enjoy them at their various stages, like Anna reading to us, Rachel learning how to write her name, Jimmy running around the house fighting bad guys, and Jacob falling asleep in my arms. I need to make sure they are taught every day that they are children of God, that they have great worth and great responsibilities as such. In the whole scheme of things I do only have them for a short bit. Before I know it they'll be growing up and raising their own families. I'm so grateful for these little people in my life and the great responsibility and joy I have as their mother. I will do my best to savor every chubby cheek, giggly faced, smiley precious moment I have with them as children.

Lovin' Being Spoiled

It has been so nice having my mom here to help. The kids are older and so no longer are afraid of having her visit. She's not a stranger, she's Gramby and they love her! They ask where she is when they can't see her and have to include her in all their games. This means I get to take a rest in the afternoon if I am pooped out from the baby. And Jacob is getting spoiled by being held by my mom any chance she gets. Plus last night Marshall, Jacob, and I were able to escape for a little date. We went out to dinner and Jacob slept the whole time! My mom held the fort down at home and it was great! And she keeps telling me how good I look. I'm tellin' you, it's been heavenly having my mom here. Too bad she lives in Pennsylvania and can't come here more often. If I could have my way I would have her here every afternoon and take her grocery shopping with me every week. But I'll enjoy the spoiling while it lasts.

Here's a picture of Mr. Three Week old Jacob!

Jeans!

My mom is here visiting and we are having a blast. I'm having too much fun to blog, but here is a picture of Jacob in jeans. Cute!

Conspiracy Theory

I'm starting to think there is a secret plot in our ward to fatten me up. People kept telling me how good I looked when I was pregnant and I am thinking now they are trying to unleash their revenge in the form of baked goods. Instead of holding ward council meetings, I know they are really planning on which members will bring what dessert over to our house each night. I'm catching on to their little game and, I admit, I've been enjoying it way too much.

You see, we have loads of treats in our home. With Marshall's first Christmas as bishop came many sweet goodies to our door. But then the arrival of Jacob only brought more. We're talking chocolate cakes, cupcakes, sweet breads, cookies, etc. It's so kind of everyone to bring us goodies. But the problem is that I love sweets. I could eat dessert with every meal. Whenever Marshall and I go on a date, I want to know about dessert. We can't go out and not get dessert. That would just be sick and wrong. So here I am after just having a baby, wondering if I'll ever be able to pull on my normal pants again, and my house is overloaded with goodies. Evilness! Conspiracy! Temptations galore! I did invite family over to help eat some sweets so as to avoid my scarfing it all down, but while they were here someone else brought us a treat. It's a plot, I tell you! They're out to get me and my once little pants size too!

But I guess there are worse things than being killed off by kindness in baked goods form. It wouldn't be as fun if they were bringing over beans or beets. Death by chocolate cake does sound rather pleasant.

Jacob's Gift

Whenever a new baby joins our family, he/ she gives the other kids a gift upon arriving home from the hospital. This didn't happen with Jacob because he came the day after Christmas. So we decided to do something fun for the kids today and take them to Sand Hollow Aquatics Center as a gift from Jacob. The kids have been so good at adjusting to Jacob and all the changes that entails. They were so excited to go to the "indoor swimming pool". Jimmy had never been and felt very honored to go. Jacob and I came along to watch the party. Everyone had a blast. Jimmy and Marshall had fun playing with the water shooters and the girls went down the hydro-slide a billion times. Jacob was an angel and slept the whole time. What a fun family outing!

Two Weeks Old!

Smile!

My Life

New Trick

They say you can teach an old dog new tricks and I am finding that to be true. Okay, so I am not an "old dog", rather a "hot mama", but I am learning something new. I am learning after all these years how to be humble. I am not talking about me going around and no longer boasting of my greatness. I let other people do that for me. I am talking about being able to ask for help and let people serve me. I didn't realize how hard it was for me until now. But I am being forced, thanks to Jacob, to be better at it.

I have had so many offers from people willing to watch the kids. Normally I would be afraid to ask because I wouldn't want to inconvenience anyone, but I am learning that I am only human after all (bummer) and, therefore, do have my limits. Life is busy, my husband is busy, and I need help. So I was very proud of myself on Monday morning when I called my neighbor and asked her if Anna could go with them to the bus stop: Baby step number one. The past couple of mornings they have taken Anna with them to the bus stop, saving me the hassle of getting four kids, one being a baby, out the door to the stop. Since we live on a dead end street, the nearest bus stop is in the adjoining neighborhood. So to get Anna there we usually drive on the cold mornings. I am so grateful to my kind neighbors who have been giving her a ride. It's made my mornings so much easier.

Baby step number two: Today I was feeling rather tired out from the morning so I called sweet Darci, who sits with my kids on Sundays and has offered her help numerous times, to see if she could watch Jimmy and Rachel so I could rest. She was more than willing to come over so I could nap. She took them to the park, played games, and read stories with them. Way more fun than I am right now. And Darci told me she had a blast doing it. I was able to get a much needed nap and feel better. She made me promise to call again if I need any help. I am so grateful to her for her kindness.

I think part of growing up is realizing there are times in life when you can't do everything, when you need help. I am learning that I do have limits and that it is okay to say "I can't do it on my own." I am imperfect after all. I am so blessed by the kind people around me who are willing to help me out. I am learning, ever so slowly, to be humble.

Holy Emotions Batman!

I should have been a Catholic. You always here about "Catholic guilt" and I seem to have it by the truck loads. It doesn't help that I just had a baby and so my hormones/ emotions are still out of whack. Normally I feel way too much guilt about things, but now it's gone to the extreme. I forgot how emotional one is after giving birth. It's one of those things, like your stretched our stomach skin, that just doesn't magically disappear right after giving birth.

This morning as I was getting Jimmy ready for church he asked if I was coming too. When I told him "no" because I had to stay home with the baby, he was sad and very concerned about who would come with him. Enter the guilt. I really wish I could go to church with him and cuddle him, but felt so bad that I coudn't. Or how about the rest of the week when Marshall has had to take on extra work with the kids and house because I am recovering from childbirth? I can't just be grateful for his help, no, I have to feel guilty because I'm not helping. Oh my. Someone has some emotional craziness going on here.

But it doesn't just apply to guilt. The other night Marshall, Jacob, and I watched "Mama Mia". It's a very fun, feel good, musical movie. I love it and watching it makes me want to get up and dance. However, this time around I found myself bawling at two parts in the movie. The first part was when Meryl Streep is helping her daughter get ready for her wedding and is singing about how fast she grew up. Yep, here come the tears as I thought about Anna growing up and being in first grade already. The other part that got me going was when Meryl Streep sang "The Winner Takes It All", which is about her failed relationship with Pierce Brosnan. More gushing forth of tears. The funny thing was I knew I was crying, but couldn't stop it. Marshall did his best to comfort me through his giggles. He had no idea "Mama Mia" would be such a tear-jerker!

I asked Marshall which of the two "Sues" is better, the pregnant one or the new mom one. He said he prefers the normal me, but the new mom me is at least tolerable to be around. The pregnant Sue was a tad bit crabby at the end. But both are very emotional. Sigh. One day harmony will return to the planet. I won't feel guilty over everything, just most things, and I will be able to sit through a movie based on Abba's music without crying out my heart. Until then watch out for random tear episodes. They can happen at any time.

Can't Say Enough Good Things

It's been one week since Jacob was born and I have survived so far. I attribute most of that to my wonderful husband and all his help. Anyone who knows me well knows that change makes me nervous and so I was very anxious about Jacob's arrival. How would I handle having three active kids and a newborn? How would life be now with Marshall working full-time and being bishop? Would I ever be functional again? You see, the last time we had a baby Marshall was in law school and had quite a lot of free time. So I was pretty nervous about how things would go this time around. My husband reassured me numerous times that things would be fine. I know one week down doesn't say a lot, but I wouldn't have been able to do so well this week without Marshall's help. He is just amazing. So, yeah, you have to listen about me talk about how awesome my husband is again. (It could be worse. I could go off on him in a negative way. But that wouldn't be much of a blog because there wouldn't be a lot to say.)

Marshall has been so great at taking care of the kids this week. I think he pretty much stunned my mom and sisters when they learned he had worked lots at the beginning of the month so he could be home more when the baby came. Not to mention how they were blown away that he arranged for people to watch the kids when he did have to run into work after the baby came. I didn't tell them how he's been trying to keep some semblance of order in our home. Last night he mopped the kitchen floor and had three helpers right there with him. He even ran to the store to buy nursing pads and other womanly things for me after the baby was born. He is just incredible.

Through all the big changes and challenges in our married life, Marshall has always expressed great confidence and faith in me. This new change with Jacob arriving is no exception. I have doubted my ability to handle four kids at times this week. I have wondered if I will ever feel human again or fit into my clothes once more. Each time I have expressed my concerns, he has always answered me back with unfailing confidence in my abilities as a mom. He tells me daily how good I look and how my stomach gets smaller. He expresses great faith in my having to juggle the responsibilities of being a bishop's wife with four young kids. I greatly appreciate and cherish the uplifting words he showers upon me daily. He is one incredible and positive person. It's actually starting to rub off on me after all these years!

Of course, I am extremely grateful for the kind people who have watched my kids and brought us meals. They have made this week go so much smoother. But I am forever in awe of the wonderful husband I have and how he serves me and shows his love for me daily. Without him I would be so lost.