A New Day

Imagine the sun slowly peeking out over a frost and snow encrusted landscape. The snow begins to melt. Wilted and chilled flowers and plants stretch tall to the sky as they are warmed by the sun's inviting light. Birds begin to sing their morning song and the brook babbles as it is freed from it's icy prison.

This is how I feel after four weeks from giving birth. I don't know how many others struggle with post-partum depression, but I can honestly say that I do and am finally beginning to feel like a human again. It's as though I am thawing out from a long winter's cold and am becoming me again. I can laugh (thanks to 30 Rock and the Hill Witch) and I can dance around to Abba again. I have the energy and desire to chase my kids around the house or walk them down to the park. It's heavenly.

For the past few weeks I have felt tired, depressed, and very emotional. Just ask my husband. (well, it won't do you any good because he wouldn't complain about me anyhow.) But there were times when I felt like the world was closing in on me. That I was a failure as a mom or wouldn't be able to handle four kids. Many feelings of inadequacies and much disliking of my body. I love my children, but I do hate the first month or so after giving birth. It's a dark time for me. I guess we all have different prices we pay for bringing life into the world. But I am so glad that the sun is dawning and I am coming back to life again. I can feel peace and comfort again because I am calm enough to let it into my life. I know I'll still have those "black days", but they will be far less.

I love my sweet little Jacob. He is such a happy good baby. And I am so glad I am feeling better. It's nice to feel more positive about things than negative. It's nice to feel like I can handle things again. I could jump for joy! I feel like me!