Only Through the Lord

I've been pondering a lot on marriage and what makes a marriage successful. Having common interests, respecting each other, working together as a team, setting goals together, communicating, finding couple time, and all those other things are great and do help a marriage thrive. A marriage is like a growing organism. It needs to be fed. If you nourish it, you will reap a happy marriage. If you neglect it, your marriage will decay and fall apart. But the most important ingredient to any happy marriage is the Lord.

I cannot imagine living my life without the gospel. It would be scary to raise my kids without the gospel knowledge and teachings. I know who I am and where I am going and I know what to teach my children to help them thrive and be happy in this life. In the same regard, I cannot imagine living in a marriage without the Lord as a partner. It would be as if our potential as a couple was cut short. We'd never be able to reach the fullness of our ability and experience true joy. And what about the power of the Lord to soften and grind away our rough edges as we turn to Him for guidance and counsel in our marriage? We are more of a team now than we were a year ago and I am sure I will be able to say that with each passing year. We better see our own faults that we need to overcome and let slide the shortcomings in each other. There is no way we could accomplish that without the Lord.

My husband and I come from totally different backgrounds. He grew up in a strong LDS family. I did not. I came from a divorced family that has not been active in the church for many years. Our backgrounds formed and shaped us into the people we were when we got married. We had big differences. I struggled greatly with trust because of the way I grew up and my husband had a hard time understanding that because of his upbringing. It was only through the Lord that we were able to overcome our differences and become one. We still have our moments, but they are less. And we still get tripped up once in awhile by our different families. I come from a very expressive family that is more than open about their problems. This can be a little overwhelming for my husband at times. He often gets frustrated with their inability to see the damage and pain they bring upon themselves.(as do I!) It's crazy for me to get used to a life where there aren't any major dramas and trust that things will be okay. My husband comes from a less emotional family and sometimes I get offended by their laid back manner that may come across as uncaring or superior, even if it is not intended to be that way. But because we are working to "be one" in the Lord, we can rise above our differences.

When my husband first started having more demanding callings and, thus, more meetings it was hard for me. Having not grown up in the church, I struggled with having him gone even more for church callings. I wanted him home and I didn't want to share him with anyone. He had a hard time understanding this because he grew up in a home where one parent or the other was always rushing off to church meetings. That was life! Yet once again, as we turned to the Lord for strength and guidance, we were able to become united. My heart was softened and my faith strengthened and he became more sensitive to my needs. Sometimes it is still hard having him gone as bishop, but because I have the Lord in my life and marriage, I am lifted up and can overcome any negativity that would bring me down.

I just cannot imagine living in a marriage where the husband and wife aren't fully committed to the Lord. I look at my life today and it amazes me. There were so many differences between my husband and I that could have caused great rifts in our relationship, but instead we have been able to overcome them through the Lord and become further bound as one. I hope and pray my children will learn from our example and seek the same kind of marriage for themselves, one that is partnered with the Lord.