Secret Spy Talents

I should have been a spy. Okay, right now I wouldn't look the best in a skin tight cat-like suit, but I do have other spy-like abilities I am finding out about. Did you know I can speak in code? Seriously. I didn't either, but I am discovering this talent, much to my dismay.

You see, today I feel sick. I picked up some puking bug from my in-laws. Yeah for family! I haven't actually puked, but I feel like I could at any moment. Needless to say, it's been a rough morning. Now I've told my kids that "mommy feels sick". In code this actually means "fight over anything you can think of and be extraordinarily crabby". It's only 9:15 in the morning and I am ready to send the kids back to bed. We've had fights over the silly little Batman car Jimmy got in a Happy Meal a few months back. Oh the screams of injustice that have plagued our house over this dinky toy. One would not believe. Then we've had disagreements over what to watch on tv while Mom mops. (Yes, I mopped my floor while sick because 1) I am insane and 2) it keeps me away from the kids so I don't sell them.) Rachel has a show on and Jimmy comes and turns it off. Repeat step over and over until Mom is about to lose it and banish everyone to their rooms for life. There have also been rude demands for snacks and such. Hello? Haven't I been drilling into my kids that they need to ask for things nicely and sometimes wait go get them? Apparently they have a learning problem when it comes to this one. When I am done mopping the floor, I tell the kids to stay off it. This actually means "test it out to see if it is still wet and get little foot prints everywhere." We go through this every week much to my amazement. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, but sometimes I do wonder about them.

Now I know that I have the gift to speak in code. I just need to figure out how to make it work to my advantage because so far it's creating the opposite results. Do they have courses on it because that would be helpful? Perhaps I should check out spy school.