Halfway Mark!

Today marks the halfway point in my pregnancy and I am filled with mixed emotions. I am so excited to meet our new addition. I can't imagine another boy combination of us and what he'll look like. I am anxious to see what his little personality will be like.

I also am amazed that I am already at 20 weeks. It only seems like in the past two months I have felt pregnant. Sure, I've been sick all along, but I only have started to show and feel the baby move in the past month or so. I thought the sickness would never end, but it has subsided greatly and here I am at 20 weeks! Wow!

And I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel the least bit nervous about the next 20 weeks. I am starting to get winded going up stairs or hills. Carrying solid Jimmy is work and poops me out. Wasn't I in shape before all this started? Not being able to lay on my stomach can be frustrating, not to mention having to go to the bathroom frequently. I am still getting over the random virus I picked up on vacation (so not cool to do) and last night had a little panic attack when I realized I would be 20 weeks today. I told Marshall that I wanted the baby to come now and I didn't want to do this anymore. That I wish I could just take off my belly for a little while and let him carry the baby, like with one of those faux pregnancy tummies that straps on. It hit me that I was only going to get bigger and more uncomfortable and I thought "Ah! I don't want to!"

Now I am sure I am the only woman who has ever felt this way (yeah right). It's not that I don't want the new baby or am not excited about being pregnant. It's just that the reality of my ever increasing size and discomfort has materialized in my mind. It's fun to start showing and feel the baby move and watch your belly get bigger. I already feel big and awkward, despite the kind people that tell me I am not very big at all. I love being told that, but sometimes I do want to say "Even though I may not look big, I feel big for me so let me whine about how huge I feel and give me sympathy." Then comes the point where you think "Okay, I don't think I can get any bigger. Someone hit the "stop" button!" I'm not to that point yet, but with the moments of discomfort I have now, I know it will come before the baby is out.

My sweet husband, always good with an answer, knew that there wasn't any right answer he could give to my little panic attack. He calmly expressed his confidence in me and told me it would be okay. This was one of those times when I was very grateful for his calm manner. I am sure running around with his hands flailing and yelling "You're right Sue! You're doomed! You're going to be humungous and writhing in agony by the end!" would not have helped. I know I will be okay, I just hope I can still breathe by the end. It WILL be so worth it to meet our new little guy!