The other day it hit me that Anna is six. Well, d'uh, right? She's been six since May. Maybe it's all the family history work I've been doing or something else, but I've been reflecting a lot on my life. When Anna's six birthday was fast approaching, I told Marshall "I was six when my parents got divorced. We need to be extra careful this year." It sounds stupid, I know, but I was worried about some stupid six year old child curse on our marriage. Perhaps the effects of growing up in a divorced family make you really odd. Who knows?
When we were first married I would always ask Marshall "How do you know that you won't ever leave me?" He'd say "I just do. I made a commitment and covenants not to." My reply "But how do you really know?" I wanted a written document or some binding Ariel-giving-her-voice-to-Ursula-type contract that he would never leave. It was hard to believe that I could trust him. Not that Marshall is untrustworthy (all lawyer jokes aside), but trust wasn't big on my list in relationships. I didn't see a lot of it growing up. You mean people just trust each other and are cool with that? No magical binding contracts needed? Hmmm.
Well, I've gotten wiser over the years and I do trust Marshall. (I am sure he is glad because I would have wanted to kill me those first years of marriage. "Stop asking woman!") But back to my pondering. Anna is six and her life is dramatically different and better than mine was at that age. Not to say my parents are or were bad people. They are amazing and wonderful and I love them greatly. But divorce shatters a child's world of trust, as seen by the first years of my marriage. It makes me so happy to know that I am actually making the changes in my kids' lives that I vowed to do. My world was crazy at six and so unstable and unsure of what the future held. I still at times feel the consequences of the various divorces I was a part of in my childhood and youth. But Anna's world is different. Her biggest worry is whether or not she'll lose her Pooh-Bear blankie for being crazy at bedtime or if I'll let her color a little bit longer before dinner. Or will there be any dessert tonight ? These are normal concerns of a child. It makes me so happy to know that I am making a change. I am doing it! And maybe my kids can be even better than I am for their children. (Though how one improves upon perfection is beyond me!)
2 comments:
That's great Sue! What a wonderful thing to be able to give your kids that kind of security. They'll appreciate you for it someday.
I felt like I was reading my life history. Same questions were asked to Jon the first five years of our marriage. It was and still is hard to trust sometimes. Even though it has gotten easier through the years. I am glad that we can hopefully be the 'change' in the cycle. Their, sorry I just had to chime in my two cents worth. I am grateful for good husbands that were raised in good, stable families. I think we were both pretty lucky to find such good men.
Sure miss you!
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