Focus on the Good

Aside from Halloween, I love this time of year because it means General Conference. As a child from an inactive family, I grew up seeing General Conference as a day off from church. Not so anymore. I look forward to the counsel given. There is always such power in the messages and a few talks that seem to be meant just for me.

For instance, this past weekend was the General Relief Society Broadcast. All the talks were wonderful, but I felt President Utchdorf was talking to me when he spoke to women on focusing on the positive things we do. He described how his wife Harriet cooks elaborate meals that are both pleasing to the eyes and stomach. Yet with every meal she always finds something to apologize for, not using enough spice or something else trivial. In comparison, he is good at cooking eggs and twice toasted bread. When he cooks he doesn't feel the need to apologize because he's too proud of the feat he accomplished. He made a meal! Let that celebration begin! I think too often we, as women, focus on what is missing and not what is present, like President Utchdorf described.

I can't tell you how many times Marshall will come home from church on Sunday and sit down to dinner with me apologizing about something. The rolls aren't big enough or the corn is canned because we ran out of frozen. He always tells me, repeatedly, that the meal is delicious, but I can't let go of those imperfections. And forget the fact that he has been gone all day and comes home with church music playing and the kids and I happy and harmonious. Yeah, what's the bigger accomplishment there and yet I am too blind to see it? Or how about my feeling guilty for eating some M&Ms after lunch and end up feeling "huge" because of it. Forget the fact that I exercise regularly, right? Marshall always looks at me like I am insane when I complain about splurging on a treat. He reminds me that I am 7 months pregnant and still have a figure. But no, I can't focus on the good, right? Ah, the list of examples could go on.

Why are women so hard on themselves? It doesn't do any good. My husband has often told me that if someone else talked to me the way I talk about myself sometimes, I would be seriously offended. So why can't I let myself be imperfect? I think it's just a challenge most women face. Coming to grips with the fact that we can't do everything and that it is okay. It's funny because I have friends who can't clean house to save themselves, and they admit it, and yet I don't think less of them for it. So why think less of myself for my imperfections? We need to have the same mercy for ourselves that we show towards others.

I was given a great piece of wisdom once that at the end of every day I need to give myself an "A+". No matter if I got everything done I wanted to, or if I lost patience with my husband or children, or if I failed in some other way, I still need to end the day feeling good about what I did do. We all make mistakes and we all fall short in big and small ways. But focusing on the negative won't help us have the Spirit or move on. I'm not talking about sin, I'm talking about silly every day things we think we fail at. We have to end each day being able to think we have worth and are good. When we accomplish anything we should say to ourselves "I rock! Look what I did!" Now I need to take my own advice (which I am sure I will often forget) and copy a page out of President Utchdorf's book of counsel.