Why?

My two year-old is always asking "why?" and so I thought I'd follow his example and do the same.

1. Why does someone always call right when I sit down to relax? Do other people have a sixth sense for this? (Mostly, it's my husband who has a knack for calling me like this.)

2. Why do I always see older people driving sports cars and going slower than the speed limit? I mean if I had a sweet Mustang or Porsche, I would be pushing the speed limit on these open desert roads. C'mon folks!

3. On the same note, why do people who drive SUVs and huge trucks always go super slow over bumps? Hello, you have a huge vehicle made to go over dirt roads. Be daring and bounce around a little!

4. Why do my kids still yell for me when I tell them I am going to the bathroom and will be right back? Can't a woman go potty in peace? I'm talking one minute here.

5. Why don't maternity pants have pockets? Some of my pants do, but not most. What, I have a huge belly and so no longer need pockets? I know it is possible to put them in. Where am I supposed to put my car keys and chap stick when I run out?

6. Why can't my kids play happily for a few minutes without anyone getting hurt? Seriously people, can't we all get along?

7. Why don't they make tops for women with busts and a small waist? I think I used to have a waist at some point in my life. Perhaps it'll reappear after some time.

8. Why do you get nose bleeds when you are pregnant? What's up with that?

9. Why can't my kids leave the timer for our Halloween and Christmas lights alone? Is it such a temptation? Do we have to have the lights on until 6am?

10. Why are there so many commercials on tv for male enhancement? Ugh. Enough already. I really don't want to know. Okay?

11. Why does America care so much about celebrities? Who cares who is getting divorced, who is gay, who got a D.U.I., or who has fake boobs? I'm more interested in making sure my kids are happy, I am sane, and my husband still smiles.

12. Why don't child proof locks work? Have the makers of such products met my son? Do I need to go into business and design my own?

13. Why do I have to pee all the time?

14. Why is it so much more fun to dump out all the toys instead of actually playing with them?

15. Why do people bleach the top layer of their hair and then leave the bottom dark? They look like skunks and it just isn't a pretty sight.

And so on and so forth . . . .